Alzheimer's Aunt in Limbo

Finally one of Alzheimer's Aunt's (AA) children took her to a doctor.  Not a competent doctor, not a geriatric doctor, not any kind of specialist, but an old quack whom my mom hates and believes contributed to the death of my dad's aunt (who also had dementia/Alzheimer's).  This guy is old, he is incompetent, he doesn't care.  And old ladies LOVE him.  My grandma used to go to him and my mom made her change to a geriatric doctor who didn't enable her bad behavior.  I wanted Alzheimer's Aunt to go to this same geriatric doctor, but NO, she likes Dr Quackenberger and she's old and she's blind and we can't possibly take her to a different doctor.
And taking her to ANY doctor was held up because she had no insurance, she never applied for Medicare or she threw away her card or whatever reason, she wasn't getting Social Security, she spent the whole $60,000 golden handshake from her job in well under a year and now she thinks she's "broke" even though she makes more than twice what my mom does (and my mom still works!).
So most of the concerns I begged my cousins to bring up were ignored. They asked the doctor about her "possible" dementia/Alzheimer's and the vomiting.  Nothing about mold.  Or psychosomatic problems.  The stupid doctor asked her TWO questions to determine if she has dementia/Alzheimer's.  TWO.  What are your children's ages and birthdays (she said her 41 year old son was 30 but she knew his birth date so apparently that counts as a right answer?!) and to draw a clock, which she did badly and blamed on the "blindness."  She had a basic blood test that showed her liver and kidneys were fine.  Not a test for mold exposure.  When pushed he said he could do a CAT scan or CT scan (I don't know the difference and I wasn't there to hear exactly what he said) of her head but overall he seemed completely unconcerned by any of her extremely alarming symptoms.  (and no head scan was actually scheduled)

The vomiting, he just dismissed out of hand.  That baffles me.  If I started vomiting whenever I ate, I would go to a doctor. I know this for a fact because a few years ago I started vomiting when I ate ice cream, drank milk, or (oddly) ate raw brownies or cookie dough and yes my fat ass was at the doctor to find out why!  I was also coughing uncontrollably until I vomited from that too, no food necessary.  And they immediately scheduled a barium swallow because they thought I had cancer--a tumor that was in or near both my stomach and lung pushing on them, making me cough and vomit. I didn't have a tumor, only a hiatal hernia, and they gave me some medicine and said I also had viral bronchitis, and eventually I stopped coughing. I stopped drinking milk, eating ice cream, brownie mix and cookie dough and threw up only from coughing, and that rarely.  But I didn't just blithely puke everywhere and go on with my life and expect everyone around me to not react to vomit! And to this day, milk makes me vomit unless it is organic (and in tea, it still sets me off sometimes) so guess what, I don't drink non-organic milk and when I have tea with organic milk I don't have very much and keep a plastic bag or small trash can handy.
So the end result of the doctor visit is...nothing.  Maybe some kind of scan, who knows when, seemed pretty casual.
I was on vacation (you can read all about it here; if it's the future, go back to October of 2012 for the 6 vacation entries) with no phone so blessedly for over a week I knew nothing about AA's problems and didn't even think about her.  My mom had said that if Alzheimer's Aunt called her with a pointless demand (I lost my glasses!  I unplugged my computer!  I want to go for a ride right now!) she was going to ignore it.  I guess that didn't happen; my mom didn't mention it if it did.
We came back to Hurricane Sandy (we battled it on the cruise as well) and we had our own problems to deal with so I had no time for her.  I did talk to one of my cousins, who said she had to go there every other day to deal with something or others, and that her mom is "so depressed" and that she "can't deal" with anything and she can't concentrate on books on tape and she can't read big print books and she's still having problems with medical insurance, she claims to have paid for some COBRA coverage but there's no cancelled check, direct withdrawal or credit card payment for any.
My cousin's thought on the vomiting is that Alzheimer's Aunt eats "inappropriate food" that's "too hard to eat" because one time she saw AA eat pancakes and she didn't vomit.  Well I saw her puke up half a plate of spaghetti, how is that harder to eat than a pancake? 
Apparently Alzheimer's Aunt needs a dentist now, so we have to find out about dental insurance, which for some reason my cousins think is part of Medicare but I don't think that's the case.  I know Alzheimer's Aunt doesn't brush her teeth, her breath stinks, so it wouldn't be at all surprising if her teeth are rotten.  Apparently once someone finds out about medical insurance I'm in charge of taking AA to my dentist, who is a really sweet lady from India who hugs me and is very kind.  I hate to expose her to AA's filthy body and sewer-stink mouth and irrational speech. 
A couple of weeks ago Alzheimer's Aunt demanded once again to be taken to Verizon to get the pictures off her old, broken (frustration over voice mail) phone and then to be taken to Barnes and Noble to get her Nook working.   I'm confused why someone who insists in every other sentence that she is "blind" or "can't see" needs photos or an e-reader.  We looked it up and apparently the Nook doesn't read to you (my Kindle does, I say smugly).  I tried to use the Nook to figure it out and show her, and wow what a confusing mess. I love my Kindle!  (sorry for the spontaneous ad; I do plug things I enjoy)
So the end result is, eye doctors say there is nothing wrong with her eyes.  Medical doctor says the vomiting is no big deal and there's no dementia or Alzheimer's (even though no tests were done).  So we have a person who claims to be blind, pukes constantly, and makes no sense when she talks, but she's okay!?  
I give up.

top senior site award

Another award for my telling of my dad's story.  I'm in disbelief every time I get one.  Really?  My sarcasm, my anger, you find it helpful?  O-kay....

The listing:

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The letter:
I'm following up with you about the list NursingAssistantGuides.com published today of the Top 100 Senior Living Sites for Nurses. I emailed you last week to tell you you had been nominated for inclusion, and I'm happy to report that your site has been featured on the final list! You can view the whole thing here: http://nursingassistantguides.com/senior-living/We made this list so that our readers, prospective nursing assistant students and current professionals, could learn more about the growing field of elder care and senior living. As the baby boomer generation ages into retirement, there will be a growing need for nurses and nursing assistants who are passionate about offering lifestyle improving care to elderly patients. Thank you for maintaining such a useful site, and congratulations!
Best, Lauren

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So again, thanks for reading, thanks for the support you give me, and I'm sorry this blog is necessary for any of us.

Alzheimer's Aunt gets a new phone & fails to eat dinner

I'm beginning to think that either we were really LUCKY with my dad (remember, he tried to kill my mom AND a doctor) or (Alzheimer's) Aunt (AA) does not have dementia.
Although I had a meeting scheduled last night, I was basically pulled out of it to go to Verizon to get Alzheimer's Aunt a new cell phone.  Why?  Because she broke the old one in her "frustration" (that word gets thrown around a lot by my cousins) over the voice mail issue.
I'm having a lot of trouble reconstructing the events of yesterday.  Apparently Alzheimer's Aunt tried to use Skype on her computer to call one of her children who is out of state.  She couldn't manage to do it.  Whether that means that she couldn't get Skype to start, or that her child wasn't answering, I don't know.  So "in her frustration" she once again unplugged everything.  WHY does she think that solves ANYTHING?  The landline was disconnected as part of this madness.  Then she panicked when she realized she had no phone and, if I'm understanding correctly, attempted to use the (unplugged) landline phone to Skype her out-of-state child to have him call ME to tell me she has no phone.  That makes absolutely  NO SENSE so I'm guessing either I don't understand the story, or she doesn't even know what she was doing.
Although she had no phone, somehow my cousin found out that AA needed a cell phone immediately (unless the outing was already planned) and I got the call to "drop everything" and go to Verizon. Apparently because I can help my (perfectly cognizant) mom with her cell phone needs, I'm the go-to cell phone person in the family for crazy people.  And I had to prove I'm "helpful" apparently since usually apparently my brand of help is too bossy and horrible and unhelpful.  
So off to Verizon.   On the way, I politely asked Alzheimer's Aunt how she was doing.  She started in with a litany of whining "I'm not having a good week" (it's MONDAY) and I tuned out. Then I found out that she needs a phone jack splitter. I offered to walk over to a department store while they were waiting to be called by Verizon and get one.  I couldn't find one unfortunately--too old school I guess.  I came back and looked at some basic phones (although her daughter insisted that she wanted to get her mom an i-phone, that daughter wasn't there that night and no i-phone was happening for someone who smashes a cheap flip phone "in frustration" over not being able to use it) to see if any had big button or displays or voice dialing but I did NOT point out my choices to AA, only to my cousin.  Alzheimer's Aunt stared blankly at the display of "basic phones" (not smart phones).  She refused to even pick any of them up to see if she liked them or could use them.  She wanted a "stylus" to dial with because her fingers go on the wrong keys (because she's BLIND remember) but somehow she can aim a pointed stick accurately.  She finally settled on a phone that talks when you push the buttons (two-zero-three) and a $50 a month unlimited minutes plan.  Apparently her last cell phone bill went over by $300 because she couldn't figure out how to dial and she'd call random people and TALK TO THEM (oh, those poor people) and also call numbers from old scraps of paper and her call log (remember, she's blind, but somehow she can read when she wants to) to "find out" who they are.  She had the broken phone with her, wanting her pictures.  The guy promised to try.
We were standing by the counter waiting and when I looked over she had the most childish pout on her face, her lip stuck out, her eyes all small.  She didn't want to wait, but she had to have her pictures!  Then she said she was "exhausted" and "faint" and all this was "too much" for her (like we forced her to go there).
Finally the guy came out and said he couldn't get any data off the broken phone, causing more pouting.  She couldn't figure out how to swipe her credit card to pay, she didn't know her PIN (luckily my cousin knows it; I deliberately looked away because I don't want to know it).  She had a new big wallet and was complaining that all her credit cards don't fit.  Half the slots were empty.  We pointed that out.  "That's what my daughter says too," Alzheimer's Aunt whined, "but it's not true.  They don't fit."   Somehow I am the only person who thinks any of this is irrational.
She can barely walk.  She's flat footed and takes baby steps and sways and seems about to topple at any moment.  We finally made it to the car.  It's parked far away because she "lost" the handicapped parking application I filled out for her that needed to go to a doctor to get verified, so she has no parking placard. Probably because it was "bossy" of me to try to get her a handicapped parking pass that she could use in anyone's car so she wouldn't have to walk far.  I'm such a terrible person.
On the way home, she's going through the bag, throwing everything around, all the packaging and receipts and little booklets and cords and things.
"I don't have the phone," she announces.
"you have it," we say.
"No I don't!"  She starts yelling.  "I lost it.  Turn around right now!  I need to buy another one."
"no, you have it."
She throws the bag at me. "Is it in there?  Show it to me."
I verify that the bag is indeed EMPTY because she took everything out and flung it on the floor.  "You have the phone," we say over and over.
"You're gonna be sorry!" she's screaming "you're gonna be sorry when I get home and there's no phone!"
"you have the phone."
"No I don't have it!  I lost it!  We have to go back!"  Then, "oh, is this it?"
"yes, that's the phone"
"oh I thought that was my old phone."
I could go back and read every entry on my dad for the 4 years of his illness and I can't believe I'll find a pattern of behavior anything like this.  The ONLY time is when he lost his bundle of business cards and notes and he blamed my mom and then found them.
The night before the Verizon expedition, Alzheimer's Aunt was supposed to have dinner at my mom's house with one of her kids.  My mom cooked extra, for 2 more people--wouldn't you?  Last minute, Alzheimer's Aunt "didn't sound right on the phone" to my cousin who had to run over there.  She was "having a bad day" and started in on her pity-party poor me victim-mentality and refused to go eat because she's a "burden" on my mom and me, and kept my cousin from going either, demanding a ride in the car instead.  So my poor mom was stuck with all this food.  No apologies issued.  Even before AA was sick, my mom often had her over for meals and holidays.  AA never had her over in return (not that she would in the hoard) or even offered to reciprocate with a restaurant meal.
I am just baffled that my violent abusive dementia dad was easier to handle than Alzheimer's Aunt. I wish someone would bring her to a geriatric doctor and get a formal diagnosis so we'd all know what was really going on.

No matter what (Alzheimer's Aunt) & Alzheimer's day

I've been trying to stay away from the whole Alzheimer's Aunt (AA) situation.  It's mostly making me angry, as you can tell from my posts here.
One of my cousins told me something today, though, that I need to share.  Alzheimer's Aunt is supposed to be filling out some kind of lifestyle questionnaire for the elder care lawyer, so the lawyer can help guide her into the right paperwork, etc.  One of the questions was about being kept alive by machines, being resuscitated, etc.  Alzheimer's Aunt stated, emphatically, that  
if there is even a percent of a percent of a chance, she is to be revived and kept alive by any and all means necessary, no matter the financial or emotional hardship to her family.
This is a woman who did not hesitate to pull the plug on her own mother 20 years ago.  When my cousin, mildly, pointed that out, AA got angry and non-responsive.   
So it's okay for you to kill your mom, but not okay for your kids to kill you in the same situation?  And for your kids to go bankrupt and have their lives ruined caring for a brain-dead person?
Would you like to know WHY?
Because she thinks she's going to hell.  She doesn't agree with her church so she's decided her god is going to punish her.  I suggested that maybe, rather than hashing this out with a lawyer, she call a priest.  A very nice priest came out and talked to my grandma last year for her birthday (ironically, the last birthday present I ever gave her, who knew?) and I'm sure that same priest would come for Alzheimer's Aunt.

Today is World Alzheimer's Day.  Hope, pray, shake your rainstick, whatever it takes. for a cure.

had it with you....Alzheimer's Aunt

The Rolling Stones have a song called "Had it with You" and that's about how I feel.
I didn't attend a single minute, a single SECOND, of the lawyer's meeting.  The lawyer had said she might ask me to print some documents (when she emailed me the day before) but she didn't.  No one thanked me for setting up the elder care lawyer meeting OR for having it at MY house (nearest to AA's hoard but not in it).
As far as I can tell, someone has had to run to AA's house for "emergencies" last Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and today.  Most of the involve her not answering her phone (today's panic) or not being able to find her glasses (yesterday's).  Of course when you get there, she's found the glasses or just forgot to charge the phone.  
I was supposed to take her to another useless doctor appointment (check her blood pressure!  Really, with all that's going on, her BP is the priority?) tomorrow and I casually said, before the lawyer got there, "Can the doctor's appointment on Tuesday get rescheduled so someone else can take her?" and one of my cousins said that was already happening.
Because AA is PISSED at me.  I've got an ATTITUDE, I'm ordering her around, I'm not helping her.
She refused to speak to me when she got there for the meeting.  She didn't thank me afterward.  I was talking to one of my cousins before the meeting, and AA's phone rang.  First she says, "Oh, is that MY phone?" when no one else seems inclined to answer.  Then she starts freaking out, flinging her pocketbook around, wailing, "oh this stupid thing!" and basically acting like a 5-year-old until finally she managed to somehow (I don't know how because getting a cell phone out of a purse is probably at least a 3 person and 20 minute job, right) get out the phone and answer it.  Just then the lawyer arrived.  AA did her patented hand-wave "get away I'm on the phone" at her, and that was when -I- walked away.  Lawyers get paid.  You want to pay them while you gossip on the phone about how horrible your life is being blind and helpless, go right ahead.  I'm not paying the lawyer's bill, am I?
So I don't know and frankly don't care how the meeting turned out.  I heard a bit of talk about another meeting being scheduled for signing paperwork that evidently I'm expected to be at (as a witness, cuz you know she's not giving evil bossy me POA or anything else) but no one bothered to tell me when or where so maybe I'll be busy who knows?  I don't know and I don't care.  And I also don't care if I'm a bitch.
She invited herself to my mom's for dinner last night.  She stunk.  Body odor, putrid breath, dirty clothes.  My mom said today when I talked to her, "you didn't eat much" and I said "because AA smelled so bad!"
Today the alarm bells were ringing because she's not answering her phone.  Yesterday it was lost glasses (oh, I found them) and then a hysterical crying melt-down because no one loves her and cares about/for her. Which is such bullshit.  She's got everyone at her beck and call and she's totally abusing the privilege.  During the lawyer meeting she expected her laundry done (by me)!  I'm a fucking MAID now?  And "here's some bills that need to be mailed" that all need stamps!
Oh but she's SO DEPRESSED (but refuses to take the anti depressant that someone finally figured out she needs) she's BLIND and HELPLESS.  And she's not going to ANY doctor EXCEPT an eye doctor to fix her eyes.  She's not cleaning until her eyes are fixed.  She's doing nothing because she's BLIND.  Except, of course, when she makes comments clearly showing she can see.
Had it, had it, had it, had with you.
UPDATE:  today's emergency was that she tried to move her TV and "in her frustration she unplugged everything in the room." (including, I assume, the house phone) My simple question, "How did that make her cell phone not work?"  "She broke her cell phone."  Now, the other day, she was wailing and crying that everyone who calls on the cell "hangs up" in 4 rings and something about "automatic voice mail" and she doesn't understand voice mail and she can't control her phone so she has to control everyone who calls it (that's her words, not mine:  CONTROL).  We've told her that you only have about 30 seconds to answer the phone and no one is deliberately hanging up on her.  She expects everyone who calls and gets voice mail to simply call back over and over and over until she answers!  Because it's too difficult to carry the phone around or keep track of it (she can't keep track of her glasses, having to know where the phone was too would break her mind entirely apparently) so she locates it by the ring.  And I guess when it stops ringing she wanders off so when it rings again, the cycle starts again.  I, personally, won't call someone who puts that kind of restrictions on me.  I'm not calling 11 hundred times until you have the sense to stand next to the phone or know where it is.
In an aside, I asked one of my cousins for a favor.  I needed help with winterizing my koi pond.  You'd think, with all I do for AA, someone would throw me a bone.  Nope.  "She's not answering her phone, I have to go there, can't help you. Maybe another day."  Next time you call me, cousin, that's my answer too.  Can't help you today, maybe another time. 
My mom thinks AA is faking it or at least exaggerating whatever she does have in order to get attention.  She is totally spacey and dementia'd out at one moment and then she's looking at a letter tile game and saying "oh, can you use French words?" and spelling things in French. (Blind, what a miracle, huh?)