August equals Alzheimer's Anniversaries

August is a month of anniversaries relating to Alzheimer's for me. My dad's birthday. The anniversary of when his aunt died of dementia, right after my dad got diagnosed. My parents' wedding anniversary, and also the anniversary of the next-to-last time he flipped out (the next one being the one that got him removed from the house a couple of weeks later). Also the anniversary of when my dad's mother died, although she didn't have dementia that I know of, I believe she died of cancer (never met her even though she lived 1 town away and died when I was 16--long story). I lost a couple of pets in August too, my beloved black cat Zen and my sweet rainbow lorikeet Gwennie.  
So August, for a long time, has not been a happy month.  And when I was a child, before any of those bad things happened, it was dreadful because it was the end of summer.
August is a time of reflection for me, to remember all this stuff.  There's nothing to learn from it really, nothing to gain except making myself sad.
And because I've been thinking about my dad a lot, since it's August, it's not surprising that he popped up in a really weird dream the other night.  In the dream he came back to life, and he wasn't so dementia-y (is there such a word?) although he wasn't 100% back to normal, and he lived a few more years.  I was walking up Route 5 going from car dealership to car dealership telling everyone that my dad was back alive again.  Because it did seem like he had died and been cremated but somehow came back from that.  And in real life, there is just about every car brand known to man available on Route 5, from BMW on the North Haven line to Cadillac and Hyundai on the Meriden line, and my dad worked for a lot of them in his 40 years in the business.  Why I would walk that 10 mile line instead of calling people is another dream mystery!  Then he died again, in the dream, and we had to hold his memorial service all over again. 
And I woke up thinking, I never saw my dad dead.  When I got to the nursing home his body had been removed from his room, and if it was still there (I imagine it was, it had only been an hour or so) they didn't offer to show me.  At the funeral home that afternoon, the director went and got me my dad's Alzheimer's alert bracelet, and it was cold like it was in a fridge, but again, I didn't see him. 
Now I start getting all paranoid.  Did my dad really die in 2007?  Even though his bed was empty at the nursing home and he was in it 15 hours before, unresponsive, maybe they had moved him and it wasn't him who died...and he's been alone and unvisited for 5+ years in the nursing home...
Gods, how awful would that be?  I can't even imagine it.
I think it's a common wish-fulfillment kind of dream.  We're getting to the time that my dad SHOULD have died.  He was diagnosed in 2004 and they said he'd live 9-11 years and that was 9 years ago.  He should have still been with us.  And maybe if he hadn't hit his head twice, he would still be here, who knows?  Or he might have killed my mom or someone else.  No way to know.
If there are other dimensions constantly spawning off, the lands of opposites, maybe in some of those worlds my dad's alive and okay.
And maybe he's just in the Elsewhere Bar, having a birthday beer.
Happy birthday, happy anniversary, wherever you are, Dad.

Had a Dad Alzheimer's blog one of the best blogs of 2013

 

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“Had a Dad” Alzheimer’s Blog Selected as One of the Best Health Blogs 
From (Healthline) 
To (Bert) 
Hi Bert, Healthline editors recently published their final list of the top Alzheimer's blogs on the web for 2013 and “Had a Dad” Alzheimer’s Blog made the list. You can find the complete list at http://www.healthline.com/health-slideshow/best-alzheimers-dementia-blogs (in no particular order). We encourage you to share your newfound status as one of the best blogs on the web with your friends, family, & followers. We also created a set of badges you can easily embed on your site anywhere else you see fit.Please let me know if you have any questions. Congratulations! 
Warm Regards, (Healthline) 
Twitter: @healthline.com 

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Invisible Illnesses and Special Treatment

Two kinds of posts endlessly circulate on Facebook.  Both of them are quite whiny.  This one popped up yesterday and is representative of the Type 1 post, INVISIBLE ILLNESS and is presented with odd spellings and punctuation exactly as everyone else posts it:
"Ignorant people can be so cruel!! I'm posting this because recently I have been mocked and laughed at for things beyond my control... I have three of these illnesses as does some of my friends.... Not one of my Facebook friends will copy and paste (but I am counting on a true family member or friend to do it). If you would be there for me no matter what then copy and paste this. I'm doing this to prove a friend wrong that someone is always listening. I care. Hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (IBS, Crohn's, PTSD, Anxiety, Arthritis, Cancer, Heart Disease, Bipolar, Depression, Diabetes, Lupus, Fibromyalgia, MS, AS, ME, , Epilepsy, hereditary angio edema , AUTISM, Borderline personality disorder, M.D.,D.D.D., CFS, Histiocytosis,O.D.D, A.D.H.D, RSD, PBC,RLS etc.) Never judge!
I would add Alzheimer's to that, as early stage AD is also "invisible" (honestly, what does that even MEAN)?
And then we get the Type 2 post, the I'm not special enough one:

So first you are complaining that you have an INVISIBLE disease (or your child does) and then you are complaining that your invisibly diseased child (or self) isn't getting special treatment?  Honestly it's one or the other.  If I see a kid screaming and losing it in public, I don't worry that the kid has an invisible disease, I assume the kid is a brat.
In my dad's early stages of Alzheimer's, he appeared perfectly normal and most of the time he acted that way.  We didn't say anything to anyone about his disease unless he started at act weird.  We didn't want people pitying him for no reason.  But once something kicked in and his behavior went a little sideways, we'd simply explain, "he has Alzheimer's" and most of the time people were understanding.  Is it embarrassing for your grown up father to throw a temper tantrum in a restaurant? Of course it is, and of course people stare, and what do we do?  Not get pissed off and passive aggressive toward those people--we removed my father from the situation.  We never expected anyone in public to simply "deal with" my dad in a full-blown Alzheimer's rage.  We also did not want anyone trying to "help" except if they were calling the police (although one time we asked someone to call the police and that person flat-out refused).
I guess I don't understand the combination of "invisible" diseases and the sense of entitlement it seems to entail.  If your disease is invisible, that means no one knows you have it (unless you are trumpeting it in every passive-aggressive status on FB), so why should anyone have to be "understanding" or "kind" to you?  Is your disease manifesting in some way that requires you to need special treatment? If so, it's not INVISIBLE. 
What I'm trying to say is, pick one.  Either you have something wrong with you and you need no special treatment, or you do need special treatment.  You can't have it both ways.  You can't also expect the general public to be able to diagnose your "invisible" disease at a glance and know if you need assistance and provide whatever it is you think you are entitled to.
I will always offer to hold the door for someone in a wheelchair or who is using a walker or cane (I was raised right, after all) or to help an elderly person put groceries into their trunk but I can't read your mind and know you can't open the door yourself because of your invisible disease and if you're going to get pissed at me because of that, that is your issue not mine. 
This weekend I had a party and my new friend came with her husband who is in a wheelchair.  We were able to easily rearrange things so he could be comfortable and yet still be part of the group.  I had food without wheat for my gluten intolerant friend, meat without salt for my friend who just had a stroke, grilled chicken for friends on high-protein diets.  Because I knew about these things in advance, it was simple to do. But if my friend had arrived with her wheelchair-bound husband with no warning and gotten angry that the party was up several steps on the deck, is that my fault or hers for not telling me her husband is handicapped? 

Stick N Find Bluetooth Location device

I just found this product through a post on, of all places, the I Can Has Cheezburger (LOL cats) site.
If my dad was still alive and at home, I'd be Fry from Futurama: shut up and take my money.

Basically, the StickNFind is a tiny round sticker that you can place anywhere.  You use your i-phone or Android phone to track the location of the sticker.  If you lose your keys, for instance.  Or you can put it on your pet's collar, stuck to a tag.   Or your wandering dementia-ridden dad.  When you are within 100 feet your phone can find it.  If your phone can't find it, you can set up an alert that goes off when the tag comes within range, say, if you are driving around looking for said pet, or dad. 
The battery lasts for a YEAR and it's just a simple watch battery.  They are 2 for $50 and come in many colors.  And it's a one-time fee (except for the batteries), no monthly upkeep charges.
I've talked about GPS shoes and watches and things before, but this is very versatile.  It just doesn't have a great range.  For what it is, the price isn't outrageous.  The biggest hurdle may be the smart phone.  I only got an Android phone a few weeks ago, and there is no app for any other operating system except Android and i-phone.
You can use the app to make the sticker flash or buzz (if your keys are lost in the dark).
You can create a "virtual leash" which tells you if the sticker gets too far away from your phone.  This is for pets.  Of course if you aren't at home and your pet gets out of your house, that isn't very useful. 
The same company puts out a slightly bigger device called a BluTracker that has a range of half a mile and a battery life of 2 months (rechargeable).  The pictures it looks to be about the size of a package of dental floss.  It has the same features as the sticker, plus a little more. It can be pre-ordered for $70.

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Note:  This is NOT a paid advertisement, just a product I found that I think would be useful to the Alzheimer's community. 

bad burn for my mom :(

I took my mom out yesterday for her birthday and she mentioned that her internet connection was down.  Which of course was my fault because I was tinkering with her Wifi on Sunday (which isn't the connection she uses for her computer--she uses a wire right from the modem).  So I felt bad, which was her intent, and today I stopped by in the midst of errand running to see if I could figure out what was wrong.  Turns out I did nothing wrong and it was the modem and I had to call AT&T to get talked through fixing it.
While I'm on speaker phone, my mom casually says, "Hey look at this," and shows me her arm.  She was wearing a white long-sleeved top.  Under the sleeve was a bandage--on her whole arm--and it was oozing fluid through the bandage and through the sleeve.  I was dumbfounded.  She said, laughing, that she put a hot cup of coffee on the couch arm and the cat knocked the whole thing over her arm and she didn't want to bother me.  So she went to see her friend who's a CNA in the morning (happened at 8 last night) and her friend wrapped it up and they put over-the-counter salve on it. 
Her CNA buddy should have known better.
As soon as the modem was fixed, I made her go to the emergency clinic.  She unwrapped her arm and showed them.  It looked like raw meat from just under her shoulder to her wrist, all around the whole arm.  She said it didn't blister, the skin just "fell right off."  Apparently the only bad burn is a blistered one?   Clear fluid was just weeping from it steadily, literally dripping from her elbow and fingers like she was standing in the rain--they had to give her one of those diaper-like pads to put under it to catch the fluid.  Honestly it was completely disgusting and there is no way if that was my arm I wouldn't have been at the ER or clinic as soon as it happened.
I told her the doctors were going to give her antibiotics, maybe a shot, most likely a pill, and prescription burn cream.  The over-the-counter burn cream is for when you have a little 1st degree burn that's a couple of square inches.  Honestly her burn is square FEET and third degree.  
I wish my grandma was still alive because she would have called me, like she did when the dog attacked my mom and she drove herself to the ER last summer.  Instead I found out by accident.  If I hadn't gone over spontaneously to fix the computer, I never would have known and she wouldn't have sought treatment.
And my mom is sane.  She hasn't a hint of dementia.  I don't know what her excuse is.  Being strong and not wanting to bug someone is stupid when it comes to a serious life-threatening injury like a 3d degree burn over an entire limb!
The women in the office at the clinic were dumbfounded as well to hear that my mom thought this burn was no big deal, mouthing to me behind her back that it was a good thing I'd dragged her in.
Two doctors consulted over it.  The only good thing they had to say was "at least it's not charred."  I had to learn how to clean and bandage this oozing raw mess, twice a day until Saturday, when she has to go back and find out if she's got to go to the burn unit.  Yes, burn unit.  And she wasn't even going to go to the doctor's office until I forced her!
We had to get prescription cream, and not a tube of it, but a TUB, and prescription pills.  Then we had to buy all kinds of bandages, gauze, tapes, and everything needed to bandage the arm 4 more times.   She kept insisting she felt fine and she wanted to take me out to dinner.  I had a run one more errand and then we stopped to eat.  She started to shake, going into shock, and we ended up getting the food to go and going home so she could take more pain killers and go to sleep. 
I'm really worried.   This is one of those times I wish I had a brother or sister to help.  I guess i should be glad my dad isn't around to see this because he'd be completely freaking out.  And he'd grab her arm, I can't imagine how bad that would be.  I am shuddering to think that I have to touch it, clean it, salve it, gauze it, bandage it, then sleeve it 4 times in the next two days.