38: more on the accident

Mayatime: 12.19.12.4.14 13 Ix 12 Uo May 6, 2005

I have a few more details about my father's accident. He's never been in a car accident before, EVER in his life. That's pretty impressive and I wish I could say the same. He said he looked, there were no cars, and he pulled out, and there was a car, and he hit it. Then he panicked and just kept going.

I have to wonder if the "car from no where" ran a stop sign or something. I live 2 houses from an intersection, and I always look before I back out, but EVERYONE runs the stop sign, so one moment no one is there and the next moment some idiot comes barreling down the hill (it's REALLY steep) and flew around the corner: right behind my backing-out car!

My father just continued to his destination, which is where the cops caught up to him. The guy who works there came out and defended my dad (how nice of him), who is a regular customer. My father gave the cops a card with my mom's number at work, and they called her. I guess they didn't believe he's got Alzheimer's, even though he's got the Safe Return bracelet on. So many people don't know what it's really like. I didn't...even a year ago I had no clue what it really was. We learn the hard way sometimes.

Evidently, when I came over on Tuesday, my father had it in his head that my mother called me and told me to come over and yell at him. That's why he wouldn't look at me or talk to me. I would NOT yell at my mentally-ill father. If my husband had done it, yeah I'd yell and kick his butt too. But it's not my dad's fault. His thinking is impaired. Aliens have stolen his brain. Damn them. Damn them to whatever Hell they believe in.

37: the accident

This is a first, to post here first instead of my regular website.

Yesterday my dad got into a car accident. I found out when I went over there for something else yesterday afternoon. My mom didn't give me a lot of details. She just said that he hit someone (car, I assume, not pedestrian) and didn't know it and kept driving. The person chased him, called the cops. The cops wanted to take his license on the spot. They called my mom at work. She went there; don't know what she said but they didn't take his license.

He was folding the laundry in the dining room while my mother and I were working on something in the kitchen. I realized he hadn't come outside to greet me, hadn't said hello, so I went over to the counter between the rooms and said "Hi Dad, you didn't say hello to me yet." He barely glanced up, said hello dutifully, and put his head back down.

My mother and I finished what we were working on and I had something to drink. I went to sit in the living room and harass the fatherbiter cat. My parents came in and sat on the other couch, and the evil cat decamped to go sit with them. My father just sat with his head down. He wouldn't talk to me or look at me. He was so sad. I just wanted to cry. I was talking to my mother about the break-in at my house on Monday and he didn't respond at all. Usually he'd be all heated up, saying he'd go kick the person's ass, etc. (He's totally non-violent, he just likes to say things like that.)

for more info on the break-in, see my other blog: www.ofsinitiate.blogspot.com.

36: sad BBC story about dementia

Mayatime: 12.19.12.4.6 5 Cimi 4 Uo April 28, 2005

I just read this story on the BBC website and it broke my heart. I'm sitting here sobbing. I know the link will go away so here's the whole story.

Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4485827.stm (has a picture of their yard, pretty boring)

Story:

BBC NEWS

Church elder smothered sick wife

A 80-year-old church elder who smothered his wife of more than 50 years as he struggled to cope with her dementia has been admonished.

The High Court in Glasgow heard that Kenneth Edge, from Grangemouth near Falkirk, was "severely depressed" and could not come to court.

Judge Lady Smith took the unusual step of dealing with Edge in his absence.

Edge earlier admitted culpable homicide by smothering his wife Winifred, 85, with a pillow in March 2003.

His doctor took the view it would be "severely detrimental" for him to come to court.

Lady Smith said: "In the circumstances I am prepared to admonish him in his absence. There seems no point in continuing this case to try to get him to court."

'Loving marriage'

The judge heard that Mrs Edge, a former Sunday school teacher, had been married to her husband for 55 years.

They had no children but shared a variety of interests during a "long and loving marriage".

When his wife became ill with senile dementia Edge began to suffer blackouts from the pressure of taking care of her at their house on Grangemouth's Cedar Street.

The court heard that Mrs Edge had not been sleeping and her husband was trying to remain alert at night to help her.

On the night she died, Mrs Edge woke and began waving and thrashing her arms around.

Confessed to police

Her husband put a pillow over her face and Mrs Edge offered little or no resistance.

When he realised what he had done Edge phoned the police and confessed.

At a hearing 18 months ago, Lady Smith told Mr Edge: "It is perfectly plain that you have punished, and will continue to punish, yourself because you have removed from your life your lifetime partner whom you have loved and cared for.

"You did so in circumstances precipitated by the enormous stresses and strains you had been put under as you tried to care for a woman who ceased to be the woman you married, and whom you had known and loved for more than 50 years."

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/scotland/4485827.stm

Published: 2005/04/26 12:11:58 GMT

© BBC MMV

35: vet visits, green playing cards, depressed cats, happy fish

Mayatime: 12.19.12.3.17 9 Caban 15 Pop

Last week my dad was supposed to help me take two of my birds to the vet. Three of my six birds have epilepsy, and they have seizures when I take them out of the house or in the car or basically anywhere. I called him the night before to remind him to be at my house at 4:00; the appointment was for 4:30. Then I called him at 3:40 and said, "Come over now. I'll see you in 15 minutes." I went outside with one of the cats and cleaned the lawn furniture, watching the cars go by. None of them were my father. Eventually I went inside and saw to my horror it was 4:08. It takes 20 minutes to get to the vet, and no dad! I called my parents' house and asked my mom when my father had left. She replied that he was sitting there waiting for me to pick him up! I did not have time to pick him and that nullifies the whole point of having someone there to shut and open doors for me while I carry the birds to the car. I was kind of angry. It's not like I depended on his memory--I called and said "come over now" how much more explicit can I be? Apparently he chose to hear "I am coming over to get you."
I was 2 minutes late getting to the vet, but they didn't say anything. The vet who hates my birds was there (she said flat out after one of them had a seizure in her exam room that she didn't want to work on them ever again) and they asked if I wanted her or the other doctor. I said the other doctor. Then when I came out and needed another appointment for the next two birds, they tried to get me to go to her again. I didn't want to say "She hates my birds" because that sounds mean, but she's the one who refused to work on them.
I still go over my parents' house once or twice a week to play cards. Now we play War. Since there's three of us, we use 2 decks. I bought a 2 pack of decks, a red deck and a blue deck. Every time we play, my father says, "Wouldn't it be nice if we had a green deck?" (That's not what he SAYS, it's what he MEANS.) He loves green. I shopped around and found that the Bellagio in Las Vegas has green decks, and a found a guy who was selling used Bellagio decks in pairs of green and brown, and he agreed to sell me a pair of green decks. One night while we were playing cards, we were talking about Patches, our black and white kitty I gave to my father for Father's day many years ago. She died right after I gave my parents Jasper. My mother says she died of a broken heart because she missed the dog so much (they were puppy and kitten together and best friends)--after Alf died, whenever a neighborhood dog barked, Patches would rush to the window to see if it was Alf. I should scan in some pictures of them and put them here. So my father asked if a cat would miss a person when he died, specifically, if Jasper will miss him when he dies. It was a very sad moment. Then my father decided, on his own, that Jasper would miss my mother more if she died than he would miss my father. (Probably true, Jasper adores my mother and tolerates my father, who insists on picking him up constantly and carrying him around, which he hates.)
My mother keeps talking about getting another cat, but my father thinks Jasper would be jealous. In reality, what would happen is, my father would transfer his adoration to the new cat. I don't ever remember anyone interacting with Nippy, the cat we had when I was born, but once we got Streaker, the first Siamese cat, no one except me ever paid attention to poor old Nippy, who died when I was 15 and she was 16 (I guess she died-she was sick and never came home). Then when we got Alf, Streaker was pushed aside. He died of feline aids, and I got my father Patches, and although he still liked the dog, Patches became his favorite. And so on. I guess I should be glad I'm an only child, or I'd probably be ignored too in favor of my younger sibling. (Can't even imagine having a sibling. I wonder what it's like?)
I had to buy another fish tank. The old one I had the betta and his catfish friends in was starting to crack; every day there were more cracks and/or the existing cracks were larger. So my betta is extremely spoiled now. I bought him from one of those little round bowls where he barely had room to turn around, and put him in a 2 gallon tank with a filter, 2 plants and 2 friends, to his utter astonishment. Now he's in a FIVE gallon tank with 5 plants, two rocks, a stone monster, and 2 friends. Spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. I've spent about $100 to sustain this $3 fish. It was pretty funny; I set up the new tank right next to the old one. I took the plants and the stone monster out of the old tank and put in the new, along with the heater. So the 2 gallon tank was bare except for the rocks and the 3 fish. The betta would swim to the glass and press up against it, looking into the next tank where his plants were. Then he'd swim to the front of the tank and look at me as if to say, "why can't I get to the plants?" It took a whole day to get the new tank warm enough to transfer them. As soon as I did, the betta went right into the plants. The little fish still zoom around and then nap. At least someone in my life is happy!

34 playing War, cape cod, fish, depression

03-28-04

Mayatime: 12.19.12.2.15 13 Men 18 Cumhu

It’s been a long time since I wrote. I’ve been letting the days blend together. I think I mentioned that my dad’s new passion is playing cards. He constantly wants to know when I’m coming over to play cards with him. I picked up a pair of decks (a red and a blue) and we don’t play Solitaire anymore (“patience” some people call it)—we play War. War is easy; I remember my grandpa teaching me to play it when I was a child and couldn’t even understand that some cards were higher than others (I don’t think I could even read yet!). We play with the double deck, me, dad & mom, or sometimes my husband comes over too. My dad’s pretty good at figuring out who won each hand. We had an amazing war on Friday night: a 4 way ace war. I forgot who won that hand, I think my mother did.

My mom also remembered an old card game we used to play, called Waterworks. I had tried to get it at a toy store, but they said don’t make it anymore. (Not true: you can follow the link to Amazon, but it seems like a cheesier version; I bought the old version from the 1970's with real metal wrenches and a fun plastic bathtub card tray.) I found a couple of incomplete sets on Ebay so I picked them up for $3 and $4 each. It was as fun as mom & I remembered, but my father hated it. He refuses to play—he only wants to play War or Solitaire. My grandmother likes it too, so we play with her.

My parents are taking my husband and me on vacation with them this summer, just up to Plymouth, Massachusetts (pilgrim town) where they like to go, where they stay at a lovely hotel. I used to like to go too, and then I went to Grand Cayman. Sorry, pilgrims, pirates win! Hopefully there will be nice weather this year; last year it rained and my parents came right home, which was good because their damn cat was pissing on my loveseat. He also pooped there. My cats have been known to pee in inappropriate places, but only ONCE in 11 years have they pooped outside the box—and the cat had been accidentally locked in the bedroom all day, it wasn’t his fault. Jasper had no excuse except that he’s an evil little beast. Actually he’s not evil, he’s rather cute, but he doesn’t like me sometimes, and it’s very odd that once in a while he runs to me purring and talking, and the next time he flees for his life when he sees me. Cat insanity.

Since I’ve written last, I acquired some fish. I got a nice turquoise betta, and a pleco suckerfish. The pleco only lived for a couple of days, which everyone seems to think is funny because the fish warranty from that pet store is only 24 hours. The betta seemed lonely to me, so a week or so later I picked up a pair of baby albino cory catfish. They are adorable, they race all around the tank, and the betta seems to like them: when they are resting he floats right above them. It’s just a little tank, about 2 gallons, perfect to have on the bookshelf in the living room. I got a micro-heater for it (I think the pleco died from the water being too cold—I also never saw him eat) and also a light (not sure what happened to the light which came with the tank—the light, the pump, the tubing, the net—all that wasn’t with the tank when I found it again)—I got an adjustable goose-neck lamp which I can always use when I don’t have fish anymore. I had a light-box (for crystals) upside down on the cover, but it felt unsafe. This way the light doesn’t touch the tank at all. It does raise the temperature a little, so it’s only on when we’re home because I don’t want to cook the fish! I leave the blinds open so they get sunlight.

I’ve been really depressed, between this whole dad-thing, and some health problems of my own, and my low-paying job—one of the reasons I hadn’t written in a while. I haven’t felt like writing ANYTHING, haven’t even gone to the NaNoWriMo meetings every month.

I am in therapy—which always seems so self-indulgent to me, and I’m hoping that talking and crying every week to a sympathetic ear is what I need. The insurance doesn’t pay so I have to work off my bill in the office there—more time taken away from “me” –like cleaning my house, going to this dead-end job, and playing video games.

I’ve mastered Zuma, [requires IE, sorry] which is Aztec-themed, and my mother introduced me to Jewel Quest, which is Mayan-themed, and I’m battling my way past cursed masks to get the jewels for the various gods of each level—more frustrating than Zuma, and I’ll probably never master it completely. And yes, I have the paid download versions of them, but the links are to the free online versions. If you download the paid version of Jewel Quest, I have the cheat codes if you’re interested.