Monday, November 26, 2007

158 it's over

Yesterday I went to see my dad. I spent over an hour with him, holding his hand, talking to (at) him, watching TV. He seemed very peaceful. No fever, no restlessness. He was just lying there, staring up and to the left.
When I came home I said that it looked like he was so at peace that I couldn't believe he would die this time.
At 4 a.m. the first call came from the nursing home. His temperature spiked to 105-106.
A little while later the second call came--his breathing was going.
At 5:20 a.m. the final call came: he died. What's the quote from Shakespeare that the old teacher said in Wit? Goodnight, sweet prince, and may angels sing you to your rest.

I guess I'll end this the way I started, with the Jane's Addiction quote I named my blog for. Was it only 3 years ago?

Had a dad
he was big and strong
I turned around and found my daddy gone
he was the one who made me what I am today
It's up to me now, my daddy has gone away...


Patty McNally Doherty said...

I believe with all my heart that there is a big roar, a mighty celebration, glasses raised in a toast to your dad being free. My father would never allow a reason to celebrate get by him, and your father joining mine, and all the others will make quite the welcoming party. They pull up a cloud for him to sit, they show him the view of all, and there you are.

They're so close, glued to us by love. We never lose them, they never lose us, and it brings great comfort to know the suffering is left behind, here on earth.

His Alzheimer's is gone, defeated, spent. He is free, Bert.

Thinking of your Dad, you and your mom, with much love,


e said...

How sad that this is what it comes down to... I am relieved for your dad and for you and your mom. I have been reading this blog for about a year now, Ever since I noticed my own mom getting (sounds mean but there is really no other word for it) "Stupid". As I look back on your first postings, I identify more now with them even than I did then. I feel like you have kind of been the trailblazer for me personally--you have gone through much of the same stuff before I knew I would go through it. While I am sad and relived for your loss, I am somewhat adrift now that no one is there to blaze the trail for me anymore.

I am also thinking of the things that you ARE now free to do... To take that vacation and truly relax and rejuvenate. For your mom to be able to do the same thing... I hope she does not get sucked into the same situation again. I don't pray anymore... but I hope and wish that she has the strength and ability and wherewithal and finances to extricate herself from the situation as best as she can, let someone else be the caregiver for a change.

And you too. You are overdue some care.

Today, Mom and I go to check out a day program. The object being to keep her brain active as long as possible and try to save as much money as we can for when she needs full time care. It won't be long, I'll bet. Maybe a year if that.

So Alzheimer's and life, for the rest of us, goes on. Just another brain (of 5+ million) for the Orionians to feast on.

Now is your chance. Run. Save yourself.

Mauigirl said...

Bert, thinking of you and your family today. It is sad, but as Patty said, your dad is now free. I felt much closer to my father after he passed than I did while he was still alive in the nursing home but unable to communicate or enjoy his life anymore. I'm glad you were able to spend that last time with him when he was so peaceful. He probably somehow knew you were there and felt he could go after that.

And now you and your mom can start taking care of yourselves again. It's a long hard process to come back after this ordeal but you will.

Anonymous said...

My sincere condolences to you and your mom. I'm sorry your dad is gone. I can tell by the pictures you posted of him what a great guy he must have been. I lost my dad to Alzheimer's, liver cancer and alcoholism 12 years ago. About the best that can be said is they're no longer in pain with clouded minds and failing bodies. Now you can start to recall him the way he used to be. Take care of yourself. You have many fans who read your blog and we'll all be thinking of you in the days ahead.
-Jill H.

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog for a while now. Today, I wept in relief for you and your family. Your dad is free from his broken body. His spirit is free. I send you thoughts of peace as you move on with your life.


Marilyn said...

I have read your blog for at least a year and chuckled at the comical things your dad did and your reactions to those things. Many were the same reactions I have had to similar situations with my mom. As things went from pleasantly confused to combative and so forth, my heart has gone out to you and your mom. Now that the battle is over grief mingles with loss-not only for your family but for those of us that have joined your family during this very personal expose that many of us have faced or will be facing. I appreciate your willingness to share the down to earth nitty gritty if this horror. May your fond and loving memories of your dad be a comfort to you at this difficult time.

Anonymous said...


I'm so glad your dad's suffering is over. Now you can begin to celebrate all that was good in his life.

You were one of the things that was good in his life, and you should be proud about that.

Hugs to you and your family...



Gail Rae said...

I second everything everyone has written. In addition, thank you for writing about your experience with your dad.
Carry on in peace.