tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024461.post7345720921238547052..comments2023-07-02T10:27:44.090-04:00Comments on "Had a Dad" Alzheimer's Blog: 151 fever & it's all about me rantGBP })i({http://www.blogger.com/profile/09275995534174189926noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024461.post-83535896199841997082007-11-08T01:47:00.000-05:002007-11-08T01:47:00.000-05:00I know this sounds cold, but I really hope this is...I know this sounds cold, but I really hope this is it for your dad. He needs to move on. You need to get back to whatever a normal life is. I sure hope your mom can have a normal life again too. <BR/><BR/>We had a time last month where were were freaking out about what to do with mom while hubby and I were on vacation. Finally, something came through and we were able to go and much to my surprize, the break was what we needed. <BR/><BR/>Don't cancel or put off your trip. You need it. <BR/><BR/>Life totally sucks at times like these. I have moments where I just want to throw my hands up and cry, but I just can't. What a waste of tears for this crap that nothing can be done about. <BR/><BR/>Your husband is probably more freaked out than you (he is losing an in-law and a part of his wife and is probably concerned as to how this will change YOU forever) and this is how he deals with it.<BR/><BR/>You are not going to be able to do it all right now. Pick a couple of things that you CAN do, that you must do and try to let the rest GO. You need to put yourself first. Maybe a sick day is in order, if you can pull it off. If not, try to use that trip as a carrot... You can hang in there until then.<BR/><BR/>Wish I had something more inspirational to say, but that is it. I'm pulling for you, FWIW.<BR/>Evaehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00402842030054392325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8024461.post-17201060108197293982007-11-07T12:58:00.000-05:002007-11-07T12:58:00.000-05:00I am so, so sorry to hear about your situation. My...I am so, so sorry to hear about your situation. My father had dementia (and cancer and alcoholism) and died 15 years ago. I was his only family member, or at least the only one who would step up and DO something.<BR/>His girlfriend had one of her tenants call me and order me to move to Maine and care for him. I have a husband and a son who was three at the time. I couldn't do that. I couldn't bring him to live with me because he could not be left alone and I worked full-time. Plus, he was physically violent. He refused to see a doctor and he pulled a gun on the human services people I had visit him in an attempt to get him a nurse/housekeeper who would care for him in his home.<BR/>So, I notified the motor vehicle department and they revoked his driver's license. I then had a court-appointed panel assess him and declare him incompetent. I signed custody of him over to the state of Maine and I took control of his finances. My lawyer husband made sure his house and savings were protected. We found an excellent nursing home for him and he stayed there until he died eight months later.<BR/>It was a difficult decision to make. My father was not an easy person to deal with before he lost his mind. He was a violent alcoholic who drove everyone away from him. But still, he was my father and I was sorry to have him "put away." But I would have gone crazy if I tried to take care of everything on my own. Giving up custody was the right decision. I doubt if it would be right in your case, but it was right for me.<BR/>The best I can tell you is this will not last forever. You will survive it but you have to look out for yourself. <BR/>It doesn't matter if your house isn't spotless and if you don't feel like making dinner. don't. Your husband has World of Borecraft to help him escape/unwind. You need something you enjoy. It's not being selfish, it's a necessity if you're going to stay sane.<BR/>If you need help, ask for it. Sometimes people are uncomfortable when he friend, neighbor or co-worker has a terminally ill family member and they don't know what to offer, so they say nothing. There are probably support groups in your area where you can find the loving, understanding people you are yearning for.<BR/>I know we people here in cyberspace are next to useless. I can't make you a casserole or give you a hug, but be assured many people are thinking about you and praying for you and your family.<BR/>Please continue to post and vent all you want.<BR/>Remember, this will soon be over and your father will be released.<BR/><BR/>-Jill H.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com